- I Will Always Be A Member of the Bloody Pirates' Club Mp3
always wanted a boy. This was common knowledge in the family. I was the
first born and the first disappointment. As soon as I was old enough to
understand the problem I determined to remedy the matter by becoming a
very thorough tomboy.
In the silent movies my mother watched as a girl, tomboys were endearing
young women, saucy in their imitation maleness. I could not turn back
the clock to the 20s version but I could try to fit the mold in some current
I possessed three important tomboy characteristics:
I was skinny
I set about acquiring the necessary skill set:
A gang, you say? Yes, a gang. It was called the Bloody Pirates Club. I
had been influenced by Robert Louis Stevenson having read Treasure Island
again and again.
In my own mind I *was* Jim, the boy adventurer, who traveled to Treasure
Island and hung out with pirates.
Who were in my gang? Young males around my own age who lived within calling
distance in the Veteran's Land Act subdivision called Sprucedale in the
city of Chatham.
We had codes and secret passwords. We could signal in semaphore (I learned
that in Girl Guides) and knew how to tap out S.O.S. in morse code. Most
importantly, we had adventures.
The Thames River runs through Chatham. Most of the time it is a broad,
tame muddy thing suitable for docking a yacht near the bottom of Tecumseh
Park. In Spring, however, the tame Thames could turn into a racing torrent,
clawing at its banks and, occasionally, flooding the main street.
River was just finishing its Spring run and was still turbulent when the
Bloody Pirate's Club, out for a hike, discovered a partially sunken rowboat.
This boat was close enough to shore to grab, if a strong pirate, holding
on to a river branch and supported by the rest of the piratical crew,
could grasp it. We debated the situation. I was bound and determined to
enter the boat and travel in it. The current was swift and strong. If
it sunk we would not just be pirates without a boat, we would be drowned
pirates. We had to have the boat or be pirates forever landlocked.
who had more strength than brains, was gradually pulling the craft to
shore. Being waterlogged it was heavy. He turned it broadside to the current
while trying to tug it towards us. The fierce river grabbed it like a
dog a bone, pulled it out into itself where, unsupported by the muddy
river bottom, the rowboat very promptly sank. I count that moment as a
kind of fork or turning in my life. Had we succeeded I'd have been drowned.
We returned home a very sober lot of pirates.
Our next adventure, riding the farmer's plow horse, proved equally unsuccessful.
A hike through a woodlot took us to a field where an enormous white work
horse was placidly grazing. Repeated efforts to lure it near enough to
a fence where we could climb up then mount the beast were thwarted by
the horse's insistence on stepping away before any of us could land on
its back. Smart horse. The highlight of that day was when Dick (who grew
up to become a math teacher) slipped on a rather fresh cow pie to the
detriment of his wardrobe.
The last adventure of the Bloody Pirate's Club I will tell you about was
the tale of the partially-cooked chicken. We were in another woodlot that
backed up on a farmyard. A large hen had managed to work her way through
the fence in search of better bugs.
Bad move, Mrs. Hen, for the Bloody Pirate's Club has found you out!
Intent on a chicken dinner we captured Mrs. Hen, holding her beak closed
to stop the cackle. Not an easy thing to do with a large hen. We were
faced with the terrible fact that, if you wanted to eat a chicken, you
first had to kill it. I was the creative genius of the group and all eyes
turned to me.
I had a habit of catching garter snakes and whirling them about my head
to make them dizzy enough for me to examine them at my leisure. The hen
had a long skinny neck and a round heavy body. Combining these facts with
my knowledge onf the physics of snake stunning I proceeded to whirl the
unfortunate hen about my head while holding on to its neck. The hen died
Next problem was cooking it. We had matches, we had dry wood. None of
us wanted to pluck or clean the hen. We set her on the fire as she was,
a kind of burnt offering. After a very tentative taste of the most cooked
part we buried the evidence.
The title of this discourse is "I Will Always Be a Member of the
Bloody Pirate's Club". My mother, who had a wicked sense of humour,
teased me about my gang. Unwisely, I told her ""I Will Always
Be a Member of the Bloody Pirate's Club".
"Would you sign a piece of paper with that promise?," she asked.
I told her I would sign it in blood but she said that wouldn't be necessary.
I signed. She kept this piece of paper. As I advanced in years she would
bring it out and ask if it still applied.
I always answered, with some embarrassment, saying,
"I Will Always Be a Member of the Bloody Pirate's Club"
Edited June 23, 2017